I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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