I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
