this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
