so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
