I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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