my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
