I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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