NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
