I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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