I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
