You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
