Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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