Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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