we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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