I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We got so high we made milksteak
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
