Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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