I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
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My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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