the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
