I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
