You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
