Pappa wants mamma naked
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
