the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
