I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
