you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
