i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Did I show you my penis last night?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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