I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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