Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
