how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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