What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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