Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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