Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
