lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
