so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
