I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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