it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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