I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
