Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
