Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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