why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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