You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
