Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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