You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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