come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
