she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you had me at cake vodka
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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