kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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