Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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