Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
