So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
