Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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