dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
