my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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