Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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