ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
