cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
