I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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