i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You ate ashes out of my bong
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
