she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
