Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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