he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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