im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
