i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
