That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
