Dual....:-)
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
