i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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