I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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