I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
