made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
false alarm. still invincible.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
