She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
