we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
