i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
