Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize